Helicopter Parents: Are You Doing It Wrong?

images (2)I’ve recently found myself living closer to home and it’s not exactly what I wanted, but it’s a temporary necessity.  As a result I have had to endure my mother being back in my life just a little too close for comfort.  Luckily I don’t live in the same house as her, because I would have been locked up by now for sure. Either a mental institution on the county jail, flip a coin. But living a mere 10 minutes away has proven to be just as torturous.  I love my mom, I do.  We just get along better when I live in another state.  If you’ve ever heard of the term, “Helicopter Parent” then you can classify her as one.  Only she was the extreme version, I think they call those type “Tiger Parents”.  As I sit here and think about it, even those terms are too mild for what my mother is.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve discovered that, according to my mother:

I don’t feed my children right

I don’t put them to bed right

I don’t bathe them right

I don’t play with them right

I don’t take them to them to doctor right

I don’t drive with them in the car right

I don’t do their hair right

I don’t talk to them right

I don’t change their diapers right

I don’t dress them right

I don’t discipline them right

I don’t shop for them right

I don’t clean up after them right

I don’t listen to them right

I don’t look at them right

I don’t think about them right

I don’t breathe on them right

Basically…..I don’t do anything right.  Even when we aren’t talking about my children, according to my  mother I don’t do shit right.  I swear to you, if I farted in her presence right now she’d say, “It wasn’t loud enough, it wasn’t long enough, and it didn’t smell right.”  I honestly grew up thinking that she hated me.  I still do.  And if you ask her, she’ll tell you that she’s just being a tough mom and making sure that we make it in this world.  Helicopter and Tiger Parents will probably feed you the same line of bullshit.  However a recent study just proved that this type of parenting only creates children who suffer from depression and anxiety.  (And I always wondered why my therapy sessions always led to me talking about my mother! EVERY SESSION!!!)  Research from the University of Mary Washington found that, “Helicopter parenting behaviors were linked to higher levels of depression, decreased satisfaction with life and lower levels of perceived autonomy, competence, and ability to get along with people.” (Daily Mail)  Well, that pretty much sums up all of the problems my siblings and I have.  And it doesn’t end when you grow up and leave the house, they follow you.  It’s really food for thought.  And while I think about it, I am going to start searching for a new house….in another country.  Australia sounds cool.



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3 Responses to Helicopter Parents: Are You Doing It Wrong?

  1. Jackie Saulmon Ramirez says:

    If your mother was anything like mine — I understand!

    You should have attended Parents Anonymous like I did; the first thing you learn is to stop listening to those little voices and listen to the group. Groups are made up of all kinds of people who are objective and give support without being judgmental. 🙂 You do in your heart what you know is right for YOU!

    • raisinemreal says:

      Girl if I listened to my mother I’d be on the 6’clock news on all days that end in “y”. After 37 years, I’ve learned to take her with a grain of salt, although, I will admit, she can cut deep with her words. I just have to shake it off, and like you said…follow my heart. Thanks for the support.

      • Jackie Saulmon Ramirez says:

        Many mothers use words to cut like a knife. I have a friend taking care of her mother and the mother has dual personalities; sweet when others are present and nasty when they are alone. Nobody can explain why some mothers are like that.

        One good thing to do is to validate whatever she says by giving her ownership of her thoughts and feelings.

        Another thing to do is to “yes her to death.” By that I mean agreeing with her all the time: You are right, I don’t comb hair as well as you. You are right, I don’t cook as well as you. You know the truth and in time she will stop since she is not getting her desired response.

        Be strong!

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