His Child? Or His Pay Day…

article-2242567-1656117F000005DC-262_634x478I recently got slammed for my comments on a news website concerning a news story <– about a father who returned home from a military deployment to find that his newborn daughter had been given up for adoption without his knowledge; and after two year battle he was finally awarded custody of his daughter.  The child had been adopted by a loving family in Utah, and whereas I understand this father’s connection with the idea that this child was his family, in the end, I still feel as if his decision was ultimately selfish. My following words are going to be harsh, and I challenge you all to comment and point out the error in my way of thinking.  In the 7 months that this mans wife was pregnant he couldn’t make it to one doctors appointment?  And he wasn’t stationed over seas, he could have sent for his wife to come and live with him on the base in South Carolina.  I’m a military wife, I’m not pulling these facts out of my rear end.  Further more, if the mother was broke as the family claims that she was they met her, why wasn’t he sending her home any BHA?  Which, by the way, if he was, he would have had a current address to send her the money, and wouldn’t have had to send a family member to look for her after 9 months when the baby was due, as he claims. Thus in my opinion, there are too many places that he dropped the ball during this pregnancy, and if she gave the baby up without his knowledge, it’s his own fault for not following through; which the military should have taught him. As a young man he has plenty of opportunity to go out, find another wife, and have more children. It’s not like he spent 9 months carrying this baby. His wife, no matter what people may think, had the hardest task in handing this baby over to another family.  This Utah family does not have the option of having more children and has spent the last two years bonding with this little girl, not to mention the ridiculous amount of money in adoption fees and care for the child during this period. The father is a career military man and plans to have his mother help to raise the child while he spends countless hours at work and still more countless months deployed. This is not to say that single military parents are not capable of raising their kids, but if you can’t even make it to a prenatal appointment, think about how much more of this child’s life is going to be missed. Of course this is my opinion and as it has always been said, opinions are like assholes; everybody’s got one.

I speak from the experience of a military wife with children.  I begged my husband to get out when his time was up, because there was literally no time for family with that job. And his deployments were excruciatingly difficult on all of us.  It could be why recruiters target young high school boys to join.  Sure there are jobs in the military for family men, but you better believe your military family comes before your family at home.  As for single fathers it goes without saying that the job is harder for them than it is for women.  The same as working on an oil rig is easier for men than it is for women.  The job of raising this little girl is going to come with multiple challenges that in the end jeopardize the quality of life for this little girl in the future.  Why as a parent, would you want to risk paving a life of struggle for a child that you claim to love?

I know many will disagree with me saying that, “Every parent deserves the right to raise their own children” And yes they do.  But as parents we should always do what’s in the best interest of our children.  I don’t feel this father is doing what’s in the best interest for this baby.  Who cares if he donated her genes and is going to love her like no one else will.  Would he still feel the same way if had made a donation at the sperm bank?  Because in actuality when got his wife pregnant, and decided that it was time for them to go their separate ways while he paid child support and visited when could, leaving her with the bulk of the responsibility; it was just like dropping of a deposit at the sperm bank.  Only instead receiving a one-time payment for his donation, he would have to make monthly payments on this deposit.  I hate to make the life of a child that insignificant in reference, but he started it when he took this child out of a loving two parent home to selfishly take her home and raise her as a single military father on the move.  I urge you not to take the media’s word on this story and to check out the adoptive parents story yourself over at Baby Leah’s Story here.

I should also point out why I ask the question is this His Pay Day…

Baby Sam’s father out of Florida and settled with adoption agency for an estimated 1.1 million dollars. The settlement depended on the father regaining custody which was a soap opera in itself that played out in the media. Another suit against a different agency in Utah is unfolding now in the case of a Virginia man and his daughter that was adopted without his knowledge. His case however is not as strong, because the couple wasn’t married, and he of course, was not in the military. You can read more hereAnd here

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5 Responses to His Child? Or His Pay Day…

  1. Shelly says:

    Well, there are many sides to this coin. While i have great sympathy for the adopting parents and i am sure their hearts are broken, i wonder how the “wife” could actually even put the baby up for adoption without getting the fathers signature. He is in the military, so he can be easily found. That is the fault of the system and the adoptive parents should sue them.

    Now i do not know what was said between husband and wife but he should have been told and he could have at that time exercised his parental rights, or signed away.

    Now on one hand i am glad he fought for her. If seen through the eyes of the child as she gets older this will make their bond stronger So many kids out there without their parents, and in particular dads. Parents don’t have a clue what it means to a child to be part of their lives. Even though they are adopted into wonderful families, i believe most of them who know they are adopted wonder all their days what life would be like with their real parents and why really they were put up for adoption. It hurts to think you were not wanted. Particularly if they have more children after them.

    In the case of the dad, perhaps he found he could not go through life wondering about his little girl and what kind of person she turned out to be. He would want to be proud of her as all parents do and perhaps he decided he could not live in the future with the regret of not fighting for her. What i feel you are asking him to do is to just lay down, go away and never look back as if dads are not important.

    I am happy to see that there is a father that will fight for his kids and do right by them for the future and for their hearts.

    With that said… HE BETTER NOT SCREW UP AND PISS ME OFF.

    • raisinemreal says:

      Shelly!!! Thanks for coming by and checking me out. I should have also pointed out another story I found with a father in almost the same predicament. This father was out of Florida and settled with adoption agency for an estimated 1.1 million dollars. The settlement depended on the father regaining custody which was a soap opera in itself that played out in the media. Another suit against a different agency in Utah is unfolding now in the case of a Virginia man and his daughter that was adopted without his knowledge. His case however is not as strong, because the couple wasn’t married, and he of course, was not in the military. You can read more here. And here Thanks again for reading….and your comment!!!

  2. frizztext says:

    there are much absurd stories about adoption – I was adopted too …

  3. Dick Chance says:

    I think women should have all of the rights, but men should have at least 50% of the responsibilities.

    • raisinemreal says:

      Thanks for your input Dick. I do believe that if this father would have taken even 50% of the responsibility during the pregnancy, adoption would have never been a factor. I appreciate you taking the time to read. Keep coming back.

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